I never get on DA as much as I use too and honestly, I am not sure why. For some reason, the last few weeks have been a huge mess for me! I cannot concentrate to save my soul. My life is not one that I really call easy. I mean my husband is dying, literally dying and I suppose I am just not dealing with it very well. I mean this will be the loss of my best friend and my biggest motivator in life. I have watched him struggle for 5 years and he isn't necessarily getting worse but it definitely is not getting any better.

I had a doctor tell me last May that they gave Michael 1 year to live at best. Well, my husband is one stubborn son-of-a-bitch so I don't see him leaving me before May but at the same time, when I see how weak he is each and everyday and I know how badly he struggles just to get up, I can't help but wonder how right the doctor was.

Michael was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus when he was 12 years old. He has such fantastic control over his diabetes up until about 6 years ago and has slowly been falling apart since. I love this beautiful list of diagnosed diseases:

Diabetes Type 1 Mellitus - Extremely Brittle - has virtually no control over his sugar levels
Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome - This lovely condition makes him hurl uncontrollably for absolutely no reason. You never know how long its going to last or how bad it will get.
Gastroparesis - Bascially, he has a paralyzed stomach which means he has to take a virtual cocktail of drugs just to eat and digest foods.
Barrett's Esophagus - A condition in which the lining of his esophagus is slowly mutating and changing into a stomach meaning he produces gastric acids in his throat as well as his stomach like the rest of us. This WILL turn into stomach cancer, there is no way around it that they have found so far.
Congestive Heart Failure - Last may Michael went into the hospital because he was retaining fluid. WE found out then and there he was in stage 3 CHF and had had 4 heart attacks and never even knew it. One was a major attack and the other three were minor.
Diabetic Neuropathy - not a fun thing to deal with. Makes him very uncomfortable knowing his nerves dont work like everyone elses.
Diabetic Retinopathy - Michael has lost his sight a couple of times from this lovely little condition. Basically new and very weak blood vessels are growing in the back of his eye and when they burst, his eyes fill with blood and he is unable to see.
Major Depression and Anxiety..... No need to explain that one...

Michael and I have a hard life but we love each other and have managed to stay together for so long, getting through things day by day but these last few weeks, I am breaking down. I have only produced one piece of art that I even remotely thinks looks worth a shit. My motivation to pick up my camera is about non-existant.

I HAVE GOT TO GET OVER THIS!!! I could really use some great words of wisdom... Seriously.. Jokes, whatever, something to remove this frown from my face and keep these stupid ass fucking tears from rolling down my face. I have friends who I turn too but no one lives close so I do find myself alone with my thoughts quite abit and that is what does me in.

My online friends that I have met do wonders for me. How strange that I go on Facebook and see something funny that maybe J-U-D-A-S (I mention him because he is the only DA person I talk to on Facebook...all other online friends are from other sites) has said and just those little comments make my day. Silly conversation goes a long way but when it ends, Im back to my own mind... my enemy! Oh I need something good to happen in our lives because the struggle is just too much!

Anyway, there is my vent that I guess I needed... Thanks friends for helping me through the rough patches when I need it! xoxo
Kris

A few features for you.... These made me smile!

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