Smiles Through Illness and Pain

This is for the challenge "What Its Like" for the group Light out of Shadows..

About the picture, this was taken right after he got out of the hospital. I hate seeing the dark circles under his eyes and the sunk in look to his face...he has been so sick...

Let me tell you a little bit about my best friend and husband Michael. Michael is a type 1 diabetic who was diagnosed at the age of 12. Michael had fantastic control over his diabetes until 5 years ago and unfortunately, this sudden lack of control has caused numerous problems. He now has a paralyzed stomach which means just to eat he has to take 5 different pills just to digest his food. This condition is called Gastroparesis. He also has Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome which means he will literally just start getting sick for no reason at all and it does not stop unless he gets to the hospital. The next condition is called Barretts Esophagus. This condition will eventually turn into stomach cancer.

Based on all of these conditions, Michael has been hospitalized more than 200 times in the last 3 years. The EMT's actually made a comment that we are officially the household in Kansas City they have been to more than any other in such a period of time.

These conditions were all caused by him becoming a brittle diabetic and anyone who knows anything about diabetes knows when your sugar is high, it literally eats at your organs, including your brain. Michael has his good and bad days. He is on lots of valium for his extremely high anxiety levels. The seroqul he is on almost makes him zombie like. They use it to treat his bi-polar and extreme manic tenancies. One day he is great and the next he is a wreck. It seems like all of the drugs never seem to work as they should. The Cymbalta keeps getting increased and just does not take away the depression. They tried Ambian for his insomnia and it doesn't work. They finally put him on another anti-depressant called nortriptyline but its not working as I would hoped.

I have found out that his mother was extremely mentally ill. In and out of institutions for most of her life. I truly believe mental illness can be inherited but I almost believe as well, if his diabetes had not gotten out of control, he wouldn't be as bad as he is today!

But through all of the highs and lows we have managed to stay together by making SMILES THROUGH THE ILLNESS AND PAIN.

I remember what Michael was like when he first came into my life and I know he is still in there. I see him from time to time, I just wish it were more often. And as hard as it is to deal with, I stay with him because I love him so deeply. I couldn't imagine if our situations were reversed and he left me because I were ill.

Everyday I hold out hope that Michael will get the right combination of drugs even though I sometimes really believe they make it worse than just dealing with reality but when you can't deal with that reality, what do you do???

So this is myself and my wonderful husband and my best friend and he will be that forever...I LOVE YOU MICHAEL!!!

Please check out my page for him if you get a minute.. Justice For Michael... [link] This is a timeline of our story and our daily life..